Lockdown and Us

A wave of panic came over me, when I saw our busy social calendar disintegrate in front of my eyes, and feelings of how I would cope without the structure. How would I cope without my space?  My year planner became a mass of crossings out which was depressing, so I covered up with sticky labels, so it became a blank page again. This helped as it felt like “going back to the drawing board”.

Firstly I decided to write everything down in a book to stop the muddled thoughts and panic – outside jobs/garden and inside/rainy day jobs. To keep us busy and I wrote our daily jobs (not too many), on my weekly white board, plus which meals we were having, and then any “virtual meetings”….  This gave me some structure to the week and a sense of purpose, achievement and “control”.

Getting to know the intricacies of Zoom and having our weekly “Singing back the Memories” virtually, is great fun, and it is so good to keep in touch with everyone this way. We look forward to it, and it’s there on our calendar. I also joined a virtual choir for a couple of sessions.

I initially missed people contact, “my people fix” as I call it, and a jolly good natter and unload, but then we started having video calls with our children via Whatsapp, Houseparty chats with old friends, phone calls regularly to friends who aren’t into the new tech stuff and phoning friends who I haven’t been in contact with for ages.  I wrote down who I would ring and when, it has really helped with my wellbeing.

Being informed about the World situation with Covid19, initially we were watching the news, all the time, as this was unchartered territory. Never before had any restrictions been placed on our lives by the government, and it was very scary with this unseen deadly virus. Now we catch up with developments once a day, so we are up to date. Usually it’s the  10 o’clock news but then we  have a quick “Only Fools and Horses fix” before bedtime as I don’t want Keith to have troubled sleep.

Hardest part for me, not being about to cuddle Grandchildren, but I am luckier than many people as we live near each other and can see them from a 2 metre distance, and wave.  One of my little grandsons must think Nanny is bonkers when I do my Mr Motivator keep fit routine in their garden on chilly days… while he is safely the other side of the patio doors….

Keeping Us safe and well is a tough one, but my daughters have been great doing bits of shopping for us early on, and I feel very responsible for keeping myself well as I worry if I got Coronavirus, how would Keith my husband cope…. I am sure this is upper most in all carers minds.

It has been hard when out on our daily walk to keep social distancing in place with Keith as although he is aware of what is happening in the world, he forgets when he sees someone he knows or our family.  It does feel very alien and I understand completely but do have to remind him. He hasn’t been super market shopping, I braved that experience on my own last week for the first time in a month ….. surreal, never worn a mask and gloves before…

To sum up,  I feel the Lockdown has given me time to think, take stock and reflect , something I haven’t had time to do  for as long as I can remember, and when Covid 19 has been banished I hope I will not immediately jump into over busying us, or take freedom of movement for granted. We will keep some good practices that we have developed over lockdown and have more time for each other.

Gill Smith

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